Her Skirt Was Too Short
Are women dressing for themselves or to attract male attention? An evolutionary perspective.
What we call the Manosphere is a form of reactionary male-oriented movement. A form of third-wave feminism for men, if you like. It has become influential in online discourse around anything gender oriented such as gender equality in the workplace, dating culture, marriage, sexual abuse and more.
One of the topics I see pop up often which I think many men misunderstand, in particular the ones in the Manosphere, is about what women signal based on how they dress.
This is an old topic. From the discussion around rape or sexual assault, we have heard the classic misogynist excuse “her skirt was too short, she asked for it.” You could broaden this to be about what a particular clothing style should encourage in terms of any male attention. Such as being flirted with or hit on.
A classic male argument is, “If she would rather not get hit on, then why did she dress like that? Obviously, she wanted attention!” However, if we look at research on this, it is not quite that simple. Here are some findings:
- Self-expression and confidence: Research suggests that many women dress to express their personal style and identity. Clothing and makeup choices can reflect individuality, creativity, and a sense of empowerment, helping them feel confident and authentic.
- Peer influence and social comparison: Some studies find that women may dress to conform to social norms or gain approval from other women. Peer comparison plays a role, especially in environments where there is a cultural emphasis on appearance.
- Mood regulation: Dressing attractively can also be linked to mood. Some women report dressing up as a way to improve their mood or increase their feelings of self-worth, independent of external validation.
- Male attraction: While attracting romantic partners can be a factor for some women, it’s typically one of several reasons. The desire for male attention may fluctuate based on context, such as the setting (e.g., social events, dating situations).
The idea that women dress solely for male attraction is a simplification. Motivations vary and often combine social, personal, and cultural factors.
Plenty of men will go, “Yeah, whatever, that is just what they are saying.” A common theme in the Manosphere is that women are not telling the truth about themselves, but actually lying about their real motivations. To men, it is obvious that it must be to attract them, and any other claim would be a straight out lie.
Applying the Theory of Evolution
I am going to make the case that women are, in fact, not lying by arguing that their view is entirely logical from an evolutionary perspective.
A Manosphere man will arrest me and say that the idea that women dress to feel good about themselves is obviously wrong from an evolutionary standpoint because that doesn’t help spread genes. Obviously, she is seeking male attention to spread her genes.
Okay, hold on a little because here we get to a fundamental confusion about how evolution works and how it influences our behavior. Humans do not engage in sex, for instance, because we consciously think “I need to spread my genes.” In fact, humans will engage in sexual activity even when they are not interested in creating a baby.
Imagine somebody claiming that humans are lying about their intentions behind having sex? Surely, their intentions are to make a baby! Otherwise, why would they do it? Interview some humans, and they will give you numerous reasons for why they do it, which has nothing to do with creating a baby.
Maybe this helps clue you in on the point I am driving towards about why women dress to be attractive. Evolution influences our feelings and desires. It makes us enjoy things that are beneficial to us. Thus, we enjoy eating salt and fat because that was historically essential to human survival. We feel great drinking water when thirsty. We don’t need to rationalize drinking water. Furthermore, we do it because we are thirsty, and we feel great after we drink.
Furthermore, we enjoy learning new things. Evolution “figured out” that by making learning new things fun, we would do more of it and thud adapt to our environment better. Likewise, evolution made sex enjoyable because a likely outcome of having sex is babies. There is no way evolution could “know” about birth control.
In other words, evolution isn’t making the end-result desirable. Instead, evolution gives us pleasure doing things which has a desirable end-result.
With that in mind, let us consider women, clothing, and makeup. We could argue that women who make themselves look more attractive by using nicer clothes and makeup are more likely to attract a desired husband and thus spread her genes. In other words, natural selection would favor any woman who enjoyed looking pretty, dressing up or in other ways increasing her attraction level to men.
Men, in contrast, are more successful in surviving historically by being good at hunting, building shelter, fending off other men, protecting against dangers and similar. Thus, male attraction level is signaled more through demonstrating capability and strength.
These differences lead to men and women getting pre-conditioned towards different interests. This can be seen from a very young age. Boys engage in rough play. Boys wrestle each other, throwing objects and waving sticks around. Ultimately, these are skills important to hunters. In particular, throwing objects is what gave humans the edge over all other animals. Our ability to accurately throw stones or spears allowed us to kill animals at a safe distance.
Small girls are interested in pretty clothes and dress up from a very young age. One cannot argue that they are actively trying to seek male attention at this point. Rather, they are doing it because they have been hardwired to enjoy it. Much like boys are hardwired to greatly enjoy throwing things. It is not surprising that so many sports involve throwing balls around in some manner.
So asking why women dress up if they aren’t trying to attract a man is like asking why men practice throwing things if they aren’t going hunting. Both genders are simply doing things they enjoy doing. They enjoy doing those things because evolution hardwired them to enjoy doing those things.
A woman cannot simply toggle off her enjoyment of dressing up, any more than a man can toggle off his enjoyment of shooting things. I have played countless shooting games over the years, and I think few women ever grasp why that is so enjoyable to men. It just is. We don’t choose it. Just like we didn’t choose to love hamburgers. They just contain lots of the things that evolution hardwired us to love.
To hammer this point home. A human cannot toggle off the desire for sex when they don’t want a child. It is there regardless. This is a general problem for us humans. Many of the things we enjoy doing are often not good for us. We must override our desires. For instance, we may know that it is not good to eat that many Hamburgers, but we still cannot toggle off the desire to eat those burgers.
Trust What Woman Tell You
From this discussion on evolution, we can conclude that what women say about their reasons for dressing up are likely true. Women to a large extent dress up because they have been wired to enjoy it. It makes them feel good. Looking attractive or sexy will make them feel good. So no, it is not about a conscious choice to attract men. Sometimes it is of course.
It is not that different from men going to the gym to build muscle. Attracting women may be part of the reason, but men also like getting muscles for its own sake. That is just an evolutionary hardwiring. But we don’t see women second-guessing men and tell them that they are lying when they say they like having muscles for other reasons than attracting women.
That is why women may not respond well to suggestions such as “don’t dress attractive if you don’t want male attention.” That would imply denying women something that important and enjoyable to them for the sake of making the world more convenient to men.
Imagine if men were told that none of the things they do are allowed unless they are specifically trying to attract a woman. That would not be fair. That is essentially the demand on places on women.
Of course, it has not stopped religions from imposing such requirements. Islam famously demands that women cover up. Thus, women are denied doing something they enjoy catering to the interests of men.
Am I Stereotyping Genders?
Writing about this I am of course doing a lot of stereotyping. Men also dress up and care about how they look. Also not surprising as it has an evolutionary advantage to men as well. And like men women also engage in activities which demonstrate their physical abilities and practical skills.
There is a lot of overlap in interest and behavior between genders. Women also likes sports. Some like hunting. Men also care about children and cooking food.
There is always a gender in suggesting there is a natural order of things and men and women must act in a particular way. The point of this article is to explain why men and women do many of the things they do. The aim is not to demand that they must do those things. My motivation is to cause people to have less prejudice against their opposite sex. To be more understanding of our differences and less judgmental.
Everything can be taken to excess. It is okay to point out if a man is spending too much time on shooting games or a women is obsessing too much about expensive clothes and makeup. But don’t go so far as to say an popular activity or hobby is entirely wrong simply because it doesn’t appeal to you.
