I always wanted children myself but I wish that people didn’t guilt shame others into having children. Saying it is selfish to not have children is the most demeaning thing to say about both parents and children I feel.

It implies having children is a duty and they bring no value to your life.

But I also think you probably get a too negative perspective on having kids by talking to parents. Most of us, especially men, are uncomfortable talking about the love and affection we feel for our children. It seems easier to talk about the problems and challenges.

It is very hard to analyze your way to whether having children is good or bad for you. All the sleep deprivation in the early years, and all the time and attention they needs seems like a huge negative.

But the things is that despite how much stress the early years were, I miss that time greatly as an older parent. There is something magical about young children evolving.

You cannot really know how that feels without your own. Other kids that are not your own feel very different.

I regained a lot of purpose in life with young children. For instance I rediscovered the joy of building Lego. You cannot get that alone as there is nobody there to be as thrilled by your creations as little child.

The funny thing is that despite all the sleep deprivation I had more drive and purpose as a young father. The kids keep you going. Keep you motivated.

As for knowing whether it is the right choice or not? You don’t know that about anything. Marriage, work, kids. Sometimes you got to jump into it.

I would decide more on feeling than doing a super rational analysis, because a rational analysis cannot in anyway capture what it feels like to have children. Rationality will easily make it look much worse than it actually is.

Sleep deprivation sounds terrible but you compare that to the life you live now. Children will make your emotional state very different. If it was as bad as it sounds I would not miss that time so much that is sometimes hurts.