Sad to hear it is like that. I am married to an American women and yes we have kids, but I know she was really stressed out about it because, she felt the kind of pressure you describe. I don't think from people she knew personally but just from the overal vibe or debate going on in North America.

I think this kind of pressure really just turns a lot of women off wanting to have kids. It is kind of the opposite for us guys. We are sort of expected to not want kids and not give a shit.

In many ways I am glad I didn't really know much about what I was suspected to feel about having kids. I was among the first among my friends who had kids and actually wanted kids from early on. Honestly I only realize in retrospect how little I had thought about the impact of having kids.

I think I had lots of feelings about kids, which you are sort of not supposed to have, or at least not supposed to say out loud. E.g. for me it was definitely not love at first sight. In the movies and the way people talk about it, it makes it sound as if you are instantly and deeply in love with your children the moment they are born.

But if you think about it, it doesn't make that much sense. You meet a complete stranger. You don't know this new person. Love is something that grows as you get to know them. I really love my kids today but I had not realized what a burden that can be as well.

I guess that is how nature wired us, to care deeply about our children, so they would survive. The problem with that is that you go worrying all the time. That was the one thing I had not thought about. I had this naive idea of having a kid I could do all this cool stuff with. I dunno, play hide and seek, build legos, play video games, kick a ball or whatever. It is not quite as glameours when pre-school calls because they knocked a hole in their head and you got to hurry to the doctor while the kid is crying and bleeding.

Seeing your own kids in pain is really painful. I did not realize that was part of the package. Maybe we are supposed to not think about this, because if we did a lot fewer of us would have had kids.

I think I have read somewhere that kids don't really make you happier. I think that is true. It really just changes your life. Whether you are ready for or want that change has to be a personal choice.

I don't think women need to be sold on the idea of having kids, but maybe there are more men who need to see the advantages.

I think as guys we don't like to talk about the emotional stuff. I think a lot of the guys I grew up with who have kids, talk about having kids in a way that makes it sound like it has no advantage. Like they just had to do it.

Truth is we just find it embarrassing to talk about how our kids can light up our day. I have plenty of days I feel like shit and that I didn't do anything right. It is nice to have someone who thinks you are the greatest no matter what. Who are just super thrilled to see you, even if you accomplished nothing special that day.